Hither you'll notice drinking jokes and ane liners. Relish and share your favorites with family and friends!

Be sue to visit Alcohol Jokes: Fun Alcohol Drinking Humor – Part Two.

  • drinking jokesA hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve food!" The hamburger says "That's OK I simply want a potable."
  • A screwdriver goes into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, nosotros accept a beverage named afterward you!" The screwdriver asks, "Yous have a drink named Philip??"
  • So a dyslexic walks into a bra . . . .
  • A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?," asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
  • A government minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. "What is this," asks the bartender, "some kind of joke?"
  • A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender hither?"
  • An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes upward to a cute young woman and says, "So, practice I come here often?"

A Neutron walks into a bar…

  • drinking jokesA neutron walks into a bar. "How much for a beer?" the neutron asks. "For yous?" says the bartender. "No charge."
  • A serpent crawls into a bar and orders a whiskey, but the bartender won't serve him considering he tin can't hold his liquor.
  • The by, present, and futurity walk into a bar. It was tense.
  • Iii fonts (Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman) walk into a bar. "Go out!" shouts the bartender. "We don't serve your type here!"
  • A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender says, "I don't know. What does he look like?"
  • A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, nosotros don't get many kangaroos coming in hither." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."
  • drinking jokesTwo five-dollar bills walk into a bar and the bartender tells them that this is a singles bar.
  • A duck walks in a bar and orders a beer then says "Put information technology on my neb."
  • So two peanuts walk into a bar. 1 was a salted.
  • A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face up?"
  • A C, an E-flat, and a One thousand go into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, but we don't serve minors."

Hear the one virtually the dog?

  • drinking jokesA dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces, "I'one thousand lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."
  • A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "Y'all look prissy today." A few minutes afterwards he once again hears a small voice, "That'due south a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're free!"
  • Charles Dickens walks into a bar and says "I'll have a Martini." The bartender asks "Olive or Twist?"
  • A soccer ball walks into a bar. The bartender kicked him out.
  • drinking jokesA magician walks downwardly an alley and turns into a bar.
  • A Frenchman walks into a bar with a true cat on his shoulder. The true cat is wearing a little baseball cap. "Hey, that's corking," says the bartender. "Where did you get that?" "French republic," the kitty says, "they've got millions of them!"
  • A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

A ghost walks into a bar…

Alcohol puns are always in cascade taste.

  • Call up to cease and smell the rosé.
  • A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start annihilation!
  • A weasle walks into a bar the bartender says "Wow I've never served a weasle before, what can I get you?" "Pop", goes the weasle.
  • A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle " Is this stool taken?"
  • A guy walks into a bar and is shocked to see a horse bartender. The horse demands, "Hey buddy, what's the matter? You can't believe that a equus caballus can tend bar?" "No," the guys says. "I tin't believe the ferret sold the identify."

A polar carry walks into a bar…

  • A polar deport walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "I'll have a Gin and…. …….Tonic." The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?" And the polar conduct replies, "I don't know, I've always had them."
  • A Chinese guy, a Japanese guy, a Laotian, a Vietnamese guy, a Cambodian, and a South Korean try to walk into a fancy cocktail bar. The bouncer says, "Sorry, you can't come in without a Thai."
  • Give a man a duck and he'll swallow for a day. Teach a man to duck and he'll never walk into a bar.
  • A crab walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer please, but if I'm  not satisfied with it, I'd like to be compensated with ten bottles of  champagne." The bartender says, "Why the big clause?"
  • A tennis ball walks into a bar. The barman says, "Have yous been served?"
  • A cornstalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Want to hear a joke?" The corn stalk replies, "I'grand all ears!"

A human being walks into a bar with his alligator…

  • A human being walks into a bar with his alligator and asks: "Exercise yous serve lawyers here?" The bartender says: "Yes, of class we exercise!" The man says, "OK, I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator."
  • Two chemists walk into a bar. The first pharmacist says, "I'll have a drinking glass of Water." The second pharmacist says, "I'll have a glass of H2O too." The second chemist dies.
  • Two chemists walk into a bar. The first chemist says, "I'll take a drinking glass of H2O." The second chemist says, "I'll take a water besides." The kickoff chemist gets angry. His bump-off attempt failed.
  • Two chemists walk into a bar. The get-go pharmacist says, "I'll have a drinking glass of H2O." The 2nd pharmacist says, "I'll have a drinking glass of H2O too." The bartender gives them both h2o because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homophones in coda position as well as pragmatic context.

A tarantula walks into a bar…

  • A tarantula walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Care for a drink, sir?" Tarantula says, "Call me hairy."
  • An amoeba walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Pay the tab before y'all split."
  • William Shakespeare walks into a bar. The bartender says "I told you earlier. Y'all're bard from this place!"
  • Q: What were the rednecks last words? A: "Hold my beer and watch this!"
  • Q: What does a ghost drink? A: Boos!
  • Hear near the wall that went out on the town for its altogether?… Got plastered…
  • Beauty is in the centre of the beer holder.
  • My physician told me to scout my drinking, so at present I beverage in front of a mirror. (One of my favorite drinking jokes.)
  • If you lot can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver'southward license to buy booze???

More Animals

  • A goat walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve kids.
  • An ox walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Off the wagon again?"
  • An owl walks into a bar and says, "Hey, sweetie, how about you get the waitresses to sing me happy altogether?" Bartender says, "Pitiful pal, this isn't a Hooters."
  • A sheep walks into a Boston bar. Bartender says, "Welcome to my baa."
  • A beaver walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Close the dam door!"
  • A fish walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Shouldn't you exist in school?"
  • A king of beasts walks into a bar. Bartender says, "First one's on the firm. You're my mane man.
  • A buffalo walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Herd any good jokes lately?"

Quotes, not drinking jokes

In that location is no bad whiskey. At that place are only some whiskeys that aren't equally good every bit others. – Raymond Chandler

Hither'south to booze, the rose colored spectacles of life. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Stay busy, go enough of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then over again, don't drink too piddling. – Herman Smith-Johannsen

Sources for Drinking Jokes

Spider web Pages

  • Prohibition Jokes & Quotes
  • Jokes4Us
  • Walks into a Bar Jokes
  • Thrillist
  • Alcohol Trivia Resource (& Links to Alcohol Trivia).

Books

drinking jokesAldrich, J. And Taylor, J. A Dragon Walks into a Bar. NY: Adams, 2019.

Lightly, R. 109 "…Walked into a Bar" Jokes. Camp Loma, PA: Ladley, 2021.

Southwell, D. And Wigand, S. The 500 Best Bar Jokes. London: Prion, 2009.

Hope you lot enjoyed these drinking jokes.

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